To survive as a job seeker in this job market the critical skill to learn is how to turn rejection into recovery.  I speak constantly with well educated and experienced job seekers who are feeling defeated, are losing their confidence and are sometimes downright angry.

In a New York Times poll of unemployed adults, almost half reported to have suffered from depression or anxiety.   This is very natural, and it begins a dangerous downward cycle.  In this market where 80% of positions are filled before they ever hit a job board, relationships are critical.  Being attractive to friends, family, colleagues and everyone in your network is more important than ever.

Of course, being attractive is something that can’t be faked, it’s something that comes from within and the way to cultivate attractiveness is by learning the skill of recovery.

The place to start with recovery is reclaiming your identity.  You are not your job or employment status – and you never have been.  Defining personal self worth and identity by a profession is a mistake many people make and now is the time to stop.  We are defined by who we are as people and how we show up in the world, not by any title, car we drive or house we live in.

Secondly, do not take rejection personally.  I know that being turned down for a job you think you’re perfect for feels incredibly personal.  Keep in mind that employers are looking to hire a fit for both the stated and unstated characteristics they desire in a specific job.  Unless you want to take it up with the hiring manager, recovery is a matter of making peace with the decision about this opportunity and moving on to the next.

Third, stay in the present.  If you didn’t get the interview today, that’s all that means.  Avoid the tendency to blow that out of proportion and start believing you’ll never get another interview.  It’s called catastrophising and it’s no good.  Recovery is found by staying in the present.

Fourth, experiment to find your recovery style.  Your style can be talking with people who empathize or finding that rare person who you’ll listen to when they tell you to get a grip.  Maybe your recovery style is in listening to music, reading a special book, or digging in harder to find the next opportunity.  Maybe recovery for you is walking in nature, volunteering in your child’s classroom or talking about nothing important with a dear friend.

You’ll probably find that you have many recovery styles and strategies that work for you in different situations.  Recovery will only happen if you devote time to it.  Devote time in your schedule to caring for your self and investing in your recovery.

The benefit for you in learning how to recover is that you will feel better and be able to interact more positively with the world.  The added benefit is that you will also be more attractive to the people and opportunities that will connect you with your next job.

How do I navigate  sticky interview questions, including illegal ones?
- Eduardo

The gut reaction in an interview is a feeling like you’ve got to placate your interviewed to stand a chance to getting the job.  But here’s what I got to say about interviewing.

If successful in landing the job, you are going to be spending most of your waking life with the people you’re interviewing with.  Make sure this interview goes both ways. You’re interviewing them as well.  Show healthy respect for yourself instead of being submissive and placating.

They may not even know a question they’re asking is illegal.  You can help them by saying something like the following:

• “What is it you’re trying to determine with that question?”
• “I’d love to answer if there’s a way you could rephrase it” or something like this to help them understand that they need to get on better legal footing
• “I’m uncomfortable answering that question.”

Remember you’re not asking for a hand out, you’re offering your skills to a new employer.  Treat yourself like the valuable resource you are!

“I went up for this job, and I didn’t get it.  A younger guy got it, and I’m wondering if it was because of my age.  Should I be using Grecian Formula?”
-Fred

We can always wonder if not getting a job is because of some discrimination.  It’s the age thing?  Or the woman thing?  Realistically, we’re never going to know, so why bother asking the question?  Make sure you’re qualified and keep going.

About the Grecian Formula, all I can say is that I’ve dyed my hair since I was in my 20’s.  Vanity can go in both directions – we can be vain in the pursuit of youth and we can be vain in flaunting our age.

I’m not going to pretend that a youthful appearance isn’t part of the game.

– — – — – — – — Thanks for your feedback – here’s some additional explanation — – — – — – –

The point at the heart of this is that it’s not worth getting tangled up in asking questions we cannot answer – especially during a job search.

Doing so can make our inner fears bigger because we cannot confirm or discredit them with input from an outside source. In turn this can tear away at our self confidence.

That’s the absolute last thing any job seeker needs.

As a mature candidate, how can I articulate my experience in a way that’s not holding me back or getting me screened out.
- Mary K.

Obviously if you say you have 40 years of experience in the field, people are going to start doing the math.  Think of synonyms such as “extensive experience.”  Just like everyone else, package yourself so that people get a sense of “Wow, look at all this person brings to the table.”

Beyond how you articulate your experience ask yourself a few questions:

• Are your skills up to date?
• Can successfully interact with generations x & y?
• Are you open to new challenges and doing things in new ways?

If the answer is ‘yes’ then build those discrimination busters into your messages about yourself.

If the answers are ‘no’ then you may have some work to do in order to make yourself a more qualified candidate.

Any hiring manager is crazy to discriminate against experience – make sure you’re qualified.